Sunday, December 12, 2010
Day 19: Clouds
I had a fabulous sleep on Krista's ridiculously comfortable guest bed again. Mmmm I love that bed!
Today I was faced with thoughts of when do I actually grow up and face the decisions I make head-on instead of running and trying to hide them from people? I sometimes feel like I am still a child stuck in this 25-year-old body, secretly wishing someone else would make my choices for me. The worst part is not even making choices, it's dealing with the reality of those choices after the fact. I still get these urges to hide things from parents or friends or whomever, and often they are really silly, mundane things. I wonder why sometimes it is so hard for me to just say "Yes, this is what I did."
Fear of disappointing someone? Fear of making someone mad? Fear of saying it out loud and therefore having to actually address it and/or deal with it? Who knows. I do, however, need to try to act like an adult. It's okay for me to fail sometimes. It's inevitable that I will let people down sometimes. And it's alright that I will occasionally make poor choices. What I need to work on is being alright with admitting when I've made a poor choice instead of trying to 'hide' it from people. That's silly. That's not a mature way to deal with things.
Work in progress.