Sunday, July 29, 2012

growing up

As a child I was desperate to grow up. Inquisitiveness and always feeling older than my years added to my desire. Many have told me that I have an “old soul”, but back then, I didn’t know what that meant. All I wanted was to be 16, wearing a pink dress and blowing out my birthday candles. I wanted to be graduating high school. I wanted to be kissing boys. I didn’t understand that with age came responsibility, and the potential for a world of pain I was protected from just then. I viewed being grown up as glamorous - a life filled with freedom, expensive clothes, and no one to answer to. I could eat candy and pizza all day and dance and smoke cigarettes by night.

As an adult, I can make my own decisions on where to go, I can eat whatever I choose, and I could smoke if I wanted to – which I don’t. But being an adult brings problems. Problems I never would have known then, fears I didn’t know I had. 

When I was small, a dilemma involved asking, “which toy will I play with next?” or, “why is that kid mean to me?”. Now a dilemma may be, “which person will treat me as a toy and how will I pick up the pieces once I’ve let them and they’re done?” or, “how will I explain this spectacularly life-altering poor choice to my friends and family?”

Some days, I wish for the simplicity of being a child. But most days I wish that I hadn’t spent my childhood wishing and that I just enjoyed. In adulthood, I choose to enjoy. Every step, and every misstep. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

a new outlook

Rather than focusing on my failure to keep my sock blog going, I am choosing to see the positive side. I've decided to go a different direction with my blog; a more sustainable direction.

It was impossible for me to find the time to blog every single day. I'm an inconsistent blogger at best. Because of this, 365 days would have taken me three years (or more). Truthfully, I didn't have enough interesting things to say each day. I mean, it's hard to believe that my life is not fabulously captivating all the time, but alas, it's just not. And it was probably a tad selfish for me to think writing every day about myself and my life would be interesting for people to read.

Instead, I decided to go with a more traditional blog. One where I can express myself freely, when I feel like I want to. Yes, this is much more sustainable for me.

There will be more posts to come. More thoughts to share. More stories to be told.

Follow, or don't. This is cathartic for me and I think I'll enjoy less pressure much better...