Saturday, July 2, 2011

Day 188: In The Navy

These look pretty black in this picture, however, I assure you they are navy blue in person.

I have spent the last 8 months reading Jane Austen's books. I take them slow. I read other books simultaneously, as well. I mean, I don't read them literally at the same time, but you get what I'm saying. From reading all this Jane Austen though I panicked yesterday because I felt that I am getting to that age where soon I'll be "too old" to date/get married. Like it's inevitable that once I pass a certain age I will become a crazy cat lady, whether I want it or not. I came to the realization that I could have wrinkles before I meet the guy that I'll eventually marry. Anyone that knows me, knows that I worry about everything. All the time. So this thought, got me into an in-my-head-panic:

"What if I do have wrinkles? What if he hates my wrinkles? What kind of eye creams should I start using to avoid wrinkles? Maybe wrinkles are sexy because you can tell that I laugh a lot? What if I use the appropriate eye creams to get rid of wrinkles and then I find out he likes wrinkles and I should have left my face alone?"

I know these are ridiculous fears, because, well, who even cares?! However in panic moments such as those, it takes me a few minutes to calm down. Krista helped, with her text stating: "Thinking about that BS is what's giving you wrinkles...just so you know."

I fully realize and accept that my own strange anxieties get the best of me sometimes.
I also fully realize and accept that I have no control over when, where or how I'll meet the guy that becomes my next boyfriend.

Later on in the day I was thinking about it some more, and I thought that the whole thing was a bit ridiculous. I have been successfully and (mainly) happily single for the last five years. Five years is a long time. I know a lot more about myself than I would have known had I been intently chasing down relationships in the same time frame. I have career goals, life goals, financial goals, none of which depend on anyone else in the entire world. I am an independent person. Yes, it's nice when boys open car doors, but when something major happens in my life, I don't look to anyone but myself to fix it. I am content.

So, really, I don't care if in Jane Austen's time 25 was "too old". One day I'll meet someone that I care enough about to date -- and he sure as heck will be the one that initiates.

Until then, me being me and doing my own thing is sufficient for my happiness.



  1. Silly girl, how I love you so!

  2. In this day and age 25 is not old. Tons are now getting married in their early 30's and starting families in their 30's. You're fine and your independence is a good thing. All in its due time.


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